Broken Bonds
“The idea is this: When two people connect, when their beings intersect as closely as two bodies during intercourse, something is poured out of one and into the other that has the power to heal the soul of its deepest wounds and restore it to health.”i
Part 1:
Getting Started:
The author, recounting his own life experience with his older son Kep, to whom he gave all that a God fearing dad could ever wish for this son, namely, his time, attention and a good foundation in godliness, yet he went his own way when he came of age. His experience reveals how some interesting factors that may ordinarily seem positive from a conventional Christian perspective, such as his dreams (or prayers, as some would prefer to put it) for his son, a predictable lifestyle, a good college degree and a godly wife and home as well, may turn out to be like giving the right set of medications to the wrong patient.
His breakthrough came when he stopped compelling, to start connecting with his son, “his proactive rather than reactive response”ii to his sons expulsion from college marked a new beginning for a relationship where chains of demands are traded for open doors, and open arms of acceptance.iii And for that reason his son was able to see not his dad as always, rather he caught a glimpse of Christ reflected in His glory in the person of his dad, and with that glory came the power, and nothing was ever the same again, sins were forgiven, wounded hearts were healed and broken relationships were mended all because someone gave way to the Holy Spirit to lead him into the mystery of Gods energy made possible through connecting.
“Relationships heal when they reflect the energy of Christ and if we see ourselves clearly, we will be able to see into the tangled hearts of another”iv (Matt. 7:3-5)
The Healing Community:
By letting people know we delight in them like Christ does, it is intended that we be able to look way beyond their sinful habits or some particular actions, to find and concentrate on the goodness that God has deposited in them; it is also being able to get ones heart rigged to that of one wounded soul, such that their could be an abundant flow of the essence of Christ, his passion and saving grace, from one heart to another bringing with it the healing “balm of Gilead”(Jer.8: 22) such that the one who receives as well as the one who gives are both nourished by the healing power of this treasure that can only be released when two hearts connect,vi and that was the easy part.
The hard part is that for one to be able to look for the goodness in another’s heart, identifying the passions that are prompting loving strong choices, he or she ought to be very acquainted with “the good so intimately”vii as to be able to go through what ever it would take to grow in it; it is not good enough to have theories of good, rather, more important is the ability to reflect it through ones daily living and in all spheres of ones life.
It also involves the willingness to grow in the direction of being able to resist the urge to quickly pinpoint or emphasise the negative causes of problems in someone’s life, rather to be able to see through the veneer of bad into the goodness that God had stored up in him, through “an affirming exposure of what ever evidence of Gods spirit (that could) be found in the midst of the problem”viii
The Spirit of wisdom helps us to look beyond the apparent disaster in brokenness, scaling all the negative implications in order to see broken things and broken people as potential raw materials for a great masterpiece befiting our Lord and Master Jesus.
Also we understand that beautiful mosaics could be made out of broken vessels.
We behold , but not through eyes of judgement rather we see through merciful eyes that which no ordinary eyes could see, but only the Spirit filled mind could behold-The power of God to turn a hopeless situations into a glorious testimony.
It may not be easy to reflect these virtues if we see ourselves struggling with the same “demons” that the other who has come to us for help is trying to defeat and more especially when we are trying to defeat them ourselves, but by learning dependency on God, trusting in His word and surrendering our will to Him we may be able to take a positive step in the right direction, and that is not all, for “…the absolute centre of what (God) does to help us change is to reveal Himself to us, to give us a taste of who and how He really is, and to pour His life into us.”ixAnd one of the ways He does that is by situating us in a community of people who have experienced Him in diverse ways and in different situations, men and women who are apt to impart the life of Christ in us so that we in return would be able to do likewise.
The apostle Paul urged Timothy to commit what he has learnt from him to faithful people who would be able to teach others as well. (2 Tim. 2:1)
Exposing the darkness in someone’s heart, their sin and pain, in order to engage them more convincingly with the saviour’s kindness, could become the only alternative we are left with when trying to reach a hurting soul, letting it see “grace at work when judgement is most deserved” and to be surprised with Gods forgiving love which unleashes the good that both repels and expels the bad in the soul.x
This exposure begins with the realization that our disconnection from God, ourselves and others is a product of sin, our sins, and that God has done what it takes to reconnect us and is ready to go all the way to fill us with His goodness and to reveal Himself and His ultimate good will to us; that He brings us to this point of realization neither by finger pointing nor by emphasising all the bad that could be found in our lives, rather He draws us into His glorious presences and through “His self disclosure we are struck in the face by our sheer filthiness in contrast to His splendid purity.”xi
It took this kind of revelation to bring the prophet Isaiah to the point where he paused for a while from dishing out “woe calls” on others, pointing a finger at himself he cried out, “woe is me for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for my eyes have seen the king, the Lord of host.”(AV)
From the patriarchs to the prophets down to the apostles, God has always effectively addressed the issue of sin or pain by consistently revealing His abundant mercies and grace, His purity and immutable righteousness, such that for us to be able to effectively expose the darkness in someone’s heart, we should be able, to deal with our own sins and pains, putting them in clear perspective, then we may be able to reach out to help others reconnect with themselves and to God. (Matt.7:3-5)
“Every time someone picks up the courage to share his innermost discomfort or fears, you are presented with an open window, a rare opportunity to connect”
The Empowered Community:
Most times when we are approached by a hurting soul our reaction would either to retreat, reprove or referxii, an automatic mechanism of self preservation would spring up in us putting us as far removed from the situation as could be possible, even while we belt out “comforting” words of knowledge and wisdom somewhere deep in the fabrics of our being we would wish to be left alone and relieved of the dreariness of other peoples affairs while hoping that someone more prepared for such situation shows up to redeem us and save us the embarrassment or commitment that may ensue, as the case may be. On the other hand we might chose to take up the-right-hand –of-God attitude by aptly giving a sermon to the troubled person, pointing out all the things that might have gone wrong and just how it could have been avoided, coming up with all possible solutions that if carefully heeded would have and still may, resolve the crisis in the individuals life.
This approach tends to keep the individual riveted to his past with every consciousness of his failure or mistakes, while pretending to provide solution for healing. The other approach would be that of completely extricating ones self from all forms of involvements by referring him to someone else who would supposedly be better equipped to address his complicated situation, without as much as lifting a finger by way of helping out, this outlook is one of “ you-can-never-get-drowned-if-you-don’t-deep-your-feet-in-the-river” kind of mentality, if you don’t get involved at all you would not be responsible for anything.
In a world that tends to diagnose and cure everything, the reaction toward a hurting soul could take an unfortunate turn downward in that direction, when all that was ever needed would be to plug back the disconnected piece pack to the mains rather than take it apart or replace a chip when none is broken in the first place.Irrespective of what the problem may seem to be, be it addiction to food, pornographic materials or depressive attitude, it could be said that beneath these tendencies lies a deep need for a starving soul to be plugged-in again; for an estranged heart yelling for attention to be connected back to the source of life.
Most time the trouble is that it appears to be more noble and easier for the ailing one to accept his situation if it should have a name tagged on to it, like eating disorder, compulsive lying etc, thereby qualifying him to be labelled as patient rather than the seemingly “pathetic-chicken-hearted” picture painted by a mere soul yearning for love and affection that is involved in connecting. The truth is that no mater how hard our pride and ego might turn us, still deep within each and every one of us is that “chicken heart” that yearns to be hugged and comforted and one that would delight in being a source of warm and comfort to another ailing soul.
“Why must you die of thirst while deeply immersed in a river of sweet spring water? There could only be one of two reasons .a) either the fountain is poisoned and you know it, or you are b) too proud to lower your head….”xiii
Please share these thoughts with someone today, if it has been of help to you!
A reveiw of the book Connecting: by Dr Larry Crabb
Continue to Part II
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